CHOICES : if you can’t beat them, join them.

I’ve decided.

This is my next step.

You know what they say about first listening to what the other party has to say, and understanding where they’re coming from before being judgemental?

I’ve always held on to that principle when working with students, and have always tried to hold on to that principle working with adults etc (tried, being the keyword, where adults are concerned ; )  )

I think it’s only fair that I apply the same principle with Thio Su Mien et al. I’ve been unfair to her. All I know about her is what the media portrays ……. and we’ve all talked about media bias before.

So, in the spirit of listening and understanding before judging, in the spirit of being open-minded and open to learning, in the spirit of giving other’s a chance to prove their case and worth, this is my next step:

I’m going to enrol for CHOICES

http://www.choices.org.sg/

 

I’m not going to go in trying to prove/disprove something, or going in with an intention to judge and evaluate. That would defeat the purpose and waste my time — i’ve had so much of that kind of experience with people who sit through discussions with me just looking for loophole rather than listening to me.

 

I’m actually going in with an objective to learn, understand, and participate fully.

And share my experience here.

I hope they accept me.

AWARE’s Comprehensive Sexuality Education (CSE) : Re Homosexuality, anal sex, pre-marital sex

I know the way things sound with homosexuality , anal sex being noramal and all. Frankly, the instructor’s manual was confidential for a reason – you had to go through the training, and understand the values. And I must say the instructor’s manual was written very carelessly and politically insensitively (hence very open to misinterpretation)  because we always trusted our trainers to respect its confidential nature — back to the trust that Constance Singham was talking about. The students’ manual says no such thing however, about pre-marital sex, homosexuality or anal sex.

 

Because of our value system of not imposing our values, we do NOT EVER tell students that homosexuality or anal sex or what have you is MORALLY OK — because in our value system all these are morally neutral. Of course, you don’t discuss the concept of what morally neutral means with kids – it’s not a philosophy class. You simply demonstrate it through your choice of language (elaborated later).

 

What I would say to the class is this (abbreviated/summarised here): “This is NOT a moral education class. This is a HEALTH education class. 3 kinds of sex is possible –oral , anal, vaginal. All 3 are at risk for STIs, unless you use condoms. Only through vaginal sex can you get pregnant, although heavy petting does result in pregnancy too.  There are religions that believe homosexuality is wrong. There are also people who believe homosexuality is OK. Just like there are religions who believe eating meat or other kinds of food is wrong, and there are people who believe in eating everything. What’s important is that we respect each other. That means if you believe in a particular religion, you should be able to hold your beliefs without feeling shame or discriminated. Likewise, if you don’t believe in that religion, you should be able to hold your values without feeling shame or discriminated. Respect also means that while we hold on to our belief system, we do not have to impose on others, and insist that they also practice our religions practices.”

 

You know what? I’ve NEVER had a problem with teachers (we even did workshops for teachers), or any students, saying this. At 14, they UNDERSTAND the meaning of respect and religious freedom. I’ve a lot of hope in the next generation — 80% of girls I meet believe that homosexuals should be treated and respected just like anyone else, although they are different, but  orientation-wise only. Plus I’m sure you recognise that sex ed for homosexuals must start young too, and that you couldn’t impart any knowledge by telling them they are morally wrong?

 

And BEFORE we even go into all this, we first talk about what it means to respect each other’s choice. What consent is?  What’s love? Does changing for a person demonstrate love? Does sacrifice demonstrate love?(Answer: What’s the difference between someone who wants you to change/sacrifice for HIS own benefit, versus someone who wants you to change for YOUR own good? I ask this question, and the students’ answers are always unanimous and mature.)  Does sex mean love? Is pain bad?  In that context, we talk about the vaginal sex — is it painful the first time? Should it hurt? What signs and symptoms do you watch for before you go to the doctor? (Answer: ANYTHING out of the ordinary. Don’t even ignore a minor, bearable itch!) We talk about anal sex – is it painful? Should it be?  What kind of lubricants will /not compromise the quality of the condoms? (Answer: Please don’t ever use baby lotion or hair gel or what have you)  If you’re under 14 and pregnant or get an STI, what do you do? (Answer: your health is first priority, NEVER avoid the doctor because you don’t want you beloved boyfriend to go to jail) Does being married protect you from STIs? (Answer: Where STIs are concerned, whether you’re married, or having pre-marital sex, you can still get STIs. Fact is most female HIV patients in Singapore get HIV from their spouses, and most women who have abortions are married)

 

Where views & values are concern, we leave it open to the girls to air their 101 views so that they realise there’s so much diversity with views and values, it’s disrespectful to impose and insist. With facts, we provide answers in a morally neutral fashion, using morally neutral language, — but we don’t even have to articulate the moral neutrality.

 

An example of a morally neutral statement: Anal sex carries a higher risk of STIs because the anus skin tends to tear more easily. Condoms are the only means of reducing the risk of STIs, if you choose to engage in sexual activity, provided they are used correctly and 100% of the time.

 

By informing students of the consequences, and letting them know it’s a choice they make, you empower them and respect them as humans capable of making good choices.  Making moral prescriptions – whether positive or negative –  both disempowers and disrespects the students.

 

All these values and preparations is not put in the manual — it’s part of the value system trainers hold to get selected, and is reinforced in the training and in AWARE’s value system. And this is what we focus on in class.

 

But when you take 3 lines out of a manual, out of the entire class context —- that’s when things get messy and misinterpreted. Like we said at the EGM, the New Exco clearly flouted our confidentiality agreements and intellectual property rights when they made that disclosure. And I’ll even say slander when they put my name and Joo Hymns’ on the website in a derogatory fashion.

Singapore Men’s Rights Watch

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=72981316478#/group.php?gid=72981316478&ref=mf

Women’s rights should not be advanced at the expense of Men’s , or vice versa.

Some issues, as highlighted on the facebook group

“1) To increase awareness of the lack of national-level support for men’s health in Singapore.

2) To highlight that, in Singapore, prostate cancer fatalities rival cervical cancer fatalities, but most campaign sponsorship goes towards cancers that affect females only.

3) To highlight the lack of specialised health facilities and medical professionals for men. As opposed to personal gynaecologists, men typically have to be content with generic urologists.

4) To discuss the issue of equal pay for men and women in Singapore.

5) To increase awareness of the damaging (mis)representation of men and fathers in mass media. From The Simpsons to Night at The Museum, men and fathers are increasingly portrayed as lovable but emotionally-impaired, bumbling idiots.

On the other hand, it’s very fashionable in Hollywood to represent most women/wives as strong, independent women who are morally and intellectually superior to men.

This has spilled over into everyday life, and into the dynamics of today’s male-female relationships.

The long-term mispresentation of men could result in the undermining of the value of fathers, leading to the breakdown of families (like in the West).

6) To ask why violence against males in mass media is called PG humour, while violence against women gets an M18/R21 rating.

7) To increase awareness of the suicide rate of males. Studies show that males are four times more likely to die from suicide than females, although women are more likely to attempt suicide than men.

8) To raise awareness of the fact that substantial public money is spent on women’s campaigns, while little is reserved for men. In other countries, this is the result of having a female vote-bank. In Singapore, the reason is not clear.

9) To discuss about the increasing pressure on males to fulfill traditional roles as good ‘providers’ – while taking on new roles as home-makers and caregivers in the family.

10) To raise awareness about the lack of protection and the lack of avenues to turn to for help in cases of marital disputes.

11) To discuss about the falling standards of men’s tertiary education in developed countries. In the U.S., females significantly outnumber males at college level.

If you share any of the concerns listed above, please do join the group and help people understand that the concept of having Men’s Rights is not a joke.”

 

I have 2 more to add for now,

1. Rape & other sexual offenses should apply equally to males and females

2. Men should be able to say NO to sex and not have anyone question their sexuality.

 

Feel free to add on, here, or the FB group = )

How do you know if you’re straight or gay/les/bi? — I’m ASKING

This post & any subsequent comments  is hereby rated NC(16) for homosexual content, for the sake of the conservatives out there.

Now this has nothing, ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with ANYBODY”s sex ed program. If you can’t read on and without thinking “OMG!! What are they teaching in schools today!” , then please do NOT read on.

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I’ve always been curious to ask, but somehow never got the opportunity to ask. Despite being able to talk about sexual health infront of hundreds, I can’t bring myself to ask these questions of many people, because it makes us all so awkward and uncomfortable!!! And I never get the truth anyway — to much social stigma!

You see, while i could easily get the standard definitions, that’s not what I want at all. I want REAL stories and REAL experiences. PEOPLE”s different lives and realities.

It just occurs to me however, that my blog takes anonymous comments, so there is the chance I might get honest answers here , since you can remain anonymous!

 

So, my questions are:

1. How do you know what your sexual orientation is? (ie, how do you know you are heterosexual/ homosexual/bisexual) ?

2. How does it FEEL(re  sexual feelings)  to be heterosexual/ homosexual/bisexual ? How do you view male people? How do you view female people?

3. For the Heterosexuals: Between a gorgeous member of the SAME sex, and an UGLY member of the opposite sex, who would you pick for sex (if you HAD to pick)?

For the Homosexuals: Between a gorgeous member of the OPPOSITE sex, and an UGLY member of the SAME sex, who would you pick for sex (if you HAD to pick)?

For the Bis: Answer both the above please?

 

4. Did you ever have a sexual experience or fantasy ( which is it?)  about a member of the same sex? Opposite sex? (What sexual orientation do you identify with? )

 

5. Are you open about your sexual orientation? Why or why not? What do you think determined your sexual orientaion?

 

I’m really excited to read about personal stories and experiences — moral preachers, please go somewhere else, thank you.

I *MIGHT* answer these questions too —- if I do, you can be sure i’ll be one of the anonymous commenters! ; )