AWARE’s Comprehensive Sexuality Education (CSE) : Re Homosexuality, anal sex, pre-marital sex

I know the way things sound with homosexuality , anal sex being noramal and all. Frankly, the instructor’s manual was confidential for a reason – you had to go through the training, and understand the values. And I must say the instructor’s manual was written very carelessly and politically insensitively (hence very open to misinterpretation)  because we always trusted our trainers to respect its confidential nature — back to the trust that Constance Singham was talking about. The students’ manual says no such thing however, about pre-marital sex, homosexuality or anal sex.

 

Because of our value system of not imposing our values, we do NOT EVER tell students that homosexuality or anal sex or what have you is MORALLY OK — because in our value system all these are morally neutral. Of course, you don’t discuss the concept of what morally neutral means with kids – it’s not a philosophy class. You simply demonstrate it through your choice of language (elaborated later).

 

What I would say to the class is this (abbreviated/summarised here): “This is NOT a moral education class. This is a HEALTH education class. 3 kinds of sex is possible –oral , anal, vaginal. All 3 are at risk for STIs, unless you use condoms. Only through vaginal sex can you get pregnant, although heavy petting does result in pregnancy too.  There are religions that believe homosexuality is wrong. There are also people who believe homosexuality is OK. Just like there are religions who believe eating meat or other kinds of food is wrong, and there are people who believe in eating everything. What’s important is that we respect each other. That means if you believe in a particular religion, you should be able to hold your beliefs without feeling shame or discriminated. Likewise, if you don’t believe in that religion, you should be able to hold your values without feeling shame or discriminated. Respect also means that while we hold on to our belief system, we do not have to impose on others, and insist that they also practice our religions practices.”

 

You know what? I’ve NEVER had a problem with teachers (we even did workshops for teachers), or any students, saying this. At 14, they UNDERSTAND the meaning of respect and religious freedom. I’ve a lot of hope in the next generation — 80% of girls I meet believe that homosexuals should be treated and respected just like anyone else, although they are different, but  orientation-wise only. Plus I’m sure you recognise that sex ed for homosexuals must start young too, and that you couldn’t impart any knowledge by telling them they are morally wrong?

 

And BEFORE we even go into all this, we first talk about what it means to respect each other’s choice. What consent is?  What’s love? Does changing for a person demonstrate love? Does sacrifice demonstrate love?(Answer: What’s the difference between someone who wants you to change/sacrifice for HIS own benefit, versus someone who wants you to change for YOUR own good? I ask this question, and the students’ answers are always unanimous and mature.)  Does sex mean love? Is pain bad?  In that context, we talk about the vaginal sex — is it painful the first time? Should it hurt? What signs and symptoms do you watch for before you go to the doctor? (Answer: ANYTHING out of the ordinary. Don’t even ignore a minor, bearable itch!) We talk about anal sex – is it painful? Should it be?  What kind of lubricants will /not compromise the quality of the condoms? (Answer: Please don’t ever use baby lotion or hair gel or what have you)  If you’re under 14 and pregnant or get an STI, what do you do? (Answer: your health is first priority, NEVER avoid the doctor because you don’t want you beloved boyfriend to go to jail) Does being married protect you from STIs? (Answer: Where STIs are concerned, whether you’re married, or having pre-marital sex, you can still get STIs. Fact is most female HIV patients in Singapore get HIV from their spouses, and most women who have abortions are married)

 

Where views & values are concern, we leave it open to the girls to air their 101 views so that they realise there’s so much diversity with views and values, it’s disrespectful to impose and insist. With facts, we provide answers in a morally neutral fashion, using morally neutral language, — but we don’t even have to articulate the moral neutrality.

 

An example of a morally neutral statement: Anal sex carries a higher risk of STIs because the anus skin tends to tear more easily. Condoms are the only means of reducing the risk of STIs, if you choose to engage in sexual activity, provided they are used correctly and 100% of the time.

 

By informing students of the consequences, and letting them know it’s a choice they make, you empower them and respect them as humans capable of making good choices.  Making moral prescriptions – whether positive or negative –  both disempowers and disrespects the students.

 

All these values and preparations is not put in the manual — it’s part of the value system trainers hold to get selected, and is reinforced in the training and in AWARE’s value system. And this is what we focus on in class.

 

But when you take 3 lines out of a manual, out of the entire class context —- that’s when things get messy and misinterpreted. Like we said at the EGM, the New Exco clearly flouted our confidentiality agreements and intellectual property rights when they made that disclosure. And I’ll even say slander when they put my name and Joo Hymns’ on the website in a derogatory fashion.