Singapore’s Invisible Abused Women
I’ve heard it been said more than a few times. Women in Singapore have it good, maybe even better than men, what are they whining about for? What do you need AWARE for?
Fact:
- Out of 3 pregnancies, 2 babies are born, 1 is aborted
- ¾ of women aborting babies are MARRIED — 1/3 are homemakers
- ½ of 10,000 STI cases per year – patients are between 20 – 30yrs, 1/3 – between 30-40yrs old, 5% amongst teens
- PAVe found in 2003 that out of 2,200 secondary and junior college students polled, 15 to 30 per cent had encountered family or dating violence.
Alot of women actually know if their husbands are fooling around outside and know if they are at risk for STIs (sexually transmitted infections). Doing something about it is something else altogether.
2 things you can do to protect yourself from STIs if your partner is straying(and in many cases, with paid-sex). You can abstain from sex with him, or you can use a condom. Both of these actions lead to conflict. In many cases, these conflicts are violent and abusive, if not physically, definately emotionally and mentally so.
Then we tell these women, go seek a court protection order, go to the police, leave him.
(And even then, it’s only possible if they’ve been physically abused. It’s hard to convince anyone when it’s psychological abuse, when the victim lives in constant fear/depression. It’s hard to convince anyone, when the victim is living under the threat of contracting HIV/STIs, and not under the threat of being beaten. Such women tend to be invisible, even to close friends, because of the ‘shame’)
Well, easy to say. We can help these women go to the court, go to the lawyers, go to the police, and even help them out beyond abit during the initial period.
For them, the nightmare is the rest of their lives. How are they ever going to survive on their own? Most of these women are poorly educated, and any job that they can do will pay them peanuts, definately not enough for their children, or even themselves. Welfare in singapore is too insignificant for such women. These women are usually above 40, do not have secondary school education or even primary school education, are functionally illiterate. Its very hard for us to identify with such women, and we think that they are very few in number. Fact is, they are invisible to us because Singapore is a very class-stratified society and we don’t get a chance to get to know these women as part of our common reality. If you are reading this, chances are, you’re part of the educated lot with access to internet and have enough time to read blogs. Way beyond their league.
So, we can help them get out of their situation, but who is willing to help them for the rest of their lives? Are you willing to support one such woman forever? Their only hope since they were young was to depend on a man. Now that man has turned nasty. They are no pretty young things anymore, capable of finding a new man. That nasty man is all they’ve got.
HIV, STIs, abuse, even suicide; for many, these are the lesser evils compared to being neglected and alone in a meritocracy that pities no one.
HOW CAN WE POSSIBLY HELP THEM???????
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actually with the brides that have been BOUGHT into Singapore, I’m guessing there are so many more such women than we really think there are. Somehow people don’t consider them Singaporean women — but they are.
This Foreign bride issue cannot just be tackled at the source — where the trafficking is taking place. We need to take care of them here too. These women are no more than slaves — young women, bought here, without any social support or economic independence, being bonded together with their master, having to serve his every need, for as long as he lives or keeps her.
I notice that one thing that stops people from providing support to women who are psychologically abused and controlled by their male partners is firstly, the belief that the man has the right to control her and secondly, that the woman must have done something to deserve it.
Men are granted the right to have power and control over female partners by too many sectors of society. The more that people understand the dynamics of one-sided power and control (by men against women) the more chance they will see that the woman does NOT bring it on herself, that she deserves to be treated with respect and care and that she needs empathy, emotional support and definitely needs concrete material support to become free – including accommodation, financial assistance and opportunities to work. What many people do not realise, is how dangerous a controlling man can be – so for many women leaving can be more dangerous than staying (even if she did have the ability to leave).
Wow, I didn’t actually believe your 1/3 of all pregnancies end as abortions, I thought that stunningly high. So I went and looked it up and you are right:
http://www.johnstonsarchive.net/policy/abortion/ab-singapore.html
In 2006, 314 abortions per 1000 live births…
Why is this number so high? I find this incredible.
[...] 2 – Illusio: The 8th Germinal of Thio Su Mien – The Lady Melissa: A New Awareness – Mathia Lee: Singapore’s Invisible Abused Women – nofearSingapore: Pink Dot- It is your Right, but is it Smart? [Thanks Dr Huang] – Gimme Some [...]
Yep AH, I was really shocked too and that’s one of the main reasons I joined AWARE —- something has to be wrong with the education/culture if contraceptives are so accessible!
Hi Mathia,
Your point on class-stratification in Singapore is spot on. I do want to say that class-stratification in Singapore has a strong ethnic dimension and as a member of the minority Malay/Muslim community, one cannot help but observe such facts that generally escape the majority, more educated populace.
According to some academic studies, Malay teenage girls make up half of public hospital abortions. This is startling given the Malay/Muslim community’s proportion in the general population. Also, compared to the majority Chinese group, Malays have almost 9 times the rate of single-parent births and 7 times the rate of teenage births (http://www.mcys.gov.sg/MCDSFiles/download/ProgressofMalayCommunity.pdf). Still on the theme of sexual and reproductive health, in an article I wrote, I found that Malay mothers are consistently producing low birthweight babies, less likely to go for ante-natal checks and 100% more likely to have iron deficiencies (very bad for the brain development of the unborn). AFP just ran an article on the rise of abortions in Singapore last year, coinciding with the economic crisis (http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20090501/hl_afp/financeeconomysingaporehealthabortion_20090501160254) and my suspicion is that it affects the low income groups more, of which the Malays are overrepresented. I cringe when I think of how some of the eugenicists in our government might be happy at such a development.
I was wondering if you had any experience or anecdotes given your work with AWARE, of such compounded health and sexual problem among minority girls who are doubly-impacted by lack of information and guidance in a largely conservative and less educated community in addition to be females.
Like you, I’m a grad student in biology and these issues alarm me. I do have keen interests in issues of education, health, and development, and I’ll be happy to share with AWARE some of my own personal research and articles on these complex intersections of gender, class, and ethnicity. I hope the new AWARE ex-co can continue to promote knowledge of such hidden stratifications.
FA
Hi FA, thanks for the insight! It’s really screaming for us to do somethin about it, and I’m so happy to know another person who cares. I’ve forwarded your comment and email on to some of the people in AWARE working on this issue now.
It’ll be really nice if we can keep in touch and maybe meet up to do something about this. My email’s mathialee@yahoo.com
Thanks for making contact!
Mathia
[...] following extract is from the blog post Singapore’s Invisible Abused Women by Mathia Lee. Mathia is a passionate and prolific writer. Visit her blog Plans and Preoccupations [...]
A feasible plan will require money, either public or private funding. This is what I would do if I had the means.
Education
Provide “free” education for these women. For a start, provide the minimum education required for factory line jobs. Free further education will also be provided if they make the grade.
Employment
Employ these women at the low-end factory jobs, instead of employing foreign workers.
A-Place-To-Stay
Situate these women and their children in minimalistic hostels built beside their work place (i.e. factories). The rent will be significantly cheaper and affordable.
Mass food consumption
Everybody eats the same food. Food quality is measured from nutritional value and not taste. Everybody eats the same thing and at the same place.
Mass medical facilities
A medical facility will be located at the hostels. Some of the women may be employed as “basic nurses”.
Mass school/educational facilities
This is to provide education for both the children and the women.
Minimal wages and asset-less
Essentially, these women will not be paid anything. They do not need to pay for clothing, food, transportation, education, rental and medical facilities as these will be deducted from their pay. There will be no CPF contribution.
The cost of employing these women will not be more expensive than foreign workers.
Although these women will have zero-assets, their children will receive education and the factories will remain profitable to provide for a sustainable system.
This may be better than what they have now.
Hopefully, their children will support them when these women grow old.
Would anyone accept this solution?
“PAVe found in 2003 that out of 2,200 secondary and junior college students polled, 15 to 30 per cent had encountered family or dating violence.”
Assuming 15% family violence. That is at least 200 women out of this small sample size. Extrapolating to whole population, we will have quite substantial numbers. We can start replacing foreign workers as per my suggestion above. Customized education and employment in whatever form will give these women a sense of freedom and allow them to leave if they do not wish to report to the police or go to court.
When there’s a viable choice, they WILL take it. AWARE can do an experimental program with a few women victims as per my suggestion.
“Traditional” methods – “go seek a court protection order, go to the police, leave him” and clamouring for welfare – is clearly not working. Why not experiment?
To CM said, on May 13, 2009 at 2:43 pm:
Your suggestion is bold.
However, it resembles “slave houses” of old England in its expectations for conformity — standard living, standard jobs, standard medical, etc. It does not respect the individuality of the women and their children. I have volunteered with teens from challenging family background before. Many still look forward to be home, even when their home is not the ideal environment for them. One of the reasons is because at home, they are an individual, not “just another abused person” receiving help.
There are existing shelters for the abused. The essence of your suggestion is practised, while respecting the women and children. E.g. professionals that lobby for education-grants for children, assistance for job-matching, lodgings and food if necessary, and also medical support where required. It is better to guide the adults to find jobs so that they may be re-integrated into society. After all, it would be easier for the adults to move-on from their past if their employment history does not list “factory for the abused” as an ex-employer. On a similar note, it would be easier for the children if they attend regular schools when they are ready. Imagine having “school for the abused” listed in one’s academic history. Never underestimate the unnecessary hassles of social stigma from busybodies querying or gossiping about one’s past.
“Essentially, these women will not be paid anything. They do not need to pay for clothing, food, transportation, education, rental and medical facilities as these will be deducted from their pay. There will be no CPF contribution.”
Frankly, the above sounds like taking advantage of the women in such situation and treating them as slaves. Even foreign labour are paid, just that the costs incurred in their up-keep are deducted from their salary.
Thus, thank you for the bold idea. It needs refining. If you have the heart and the time, you can check out NCSS (National Council of Social Service) to match you with a suitable volunteer organization so that you may have a deeper understanding of the issues.
Sorry, the above should be “poor house” of the Charles Dickens era, instead of “slave houses” of old England.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poorhouse
[...] 2 – Illusio: The 8th Germinal of Thio Su Mien – The Lady Melissa: A New Awareness – Mathia Lee: Singapore’s Invisible Abused Women – nofearSingapore: Pink Dot- It is your Right, but is it Smart? [Thanks Dr Huang] – Gimme Some [...]
To Mostly-hetero,
Yes, my suggestion “does not respect the individuality of the women and their children” and it seems to be “taking advantage of the women in such situation and treating them as slaves”.
This suggestion is really a desperate idea for desperate people. It is meant to help in mass numbers (hundreds, thousands).
Without some form of exploitation, who would give help to so many people? Hmmm…Perhaps some form of regulation will help to prevent over-exploitation.
Can the exisiting shelters for the abused cope with so many people (assuming the stats are extrapolated correctly)?
Standard living, standard jobs, standard medical, etc. That’s the easiest way to keep cost low. Considering that these women are functionally illiterate, they will not earn enough to support their children in the non-standard enivronment anyway.
For low income earners, daily expenses (simply food, rental/housing, transport, utility, education) in non-standard environment is already money-no-enough.
“factory for the abused” – I don’t think employment history is going to be a big issue since these women are older and illiterate to start out with. The chances of them having a career like most other people is almost zero.
“school for the abused” – Well, we have ITE (It’s The End) right, and people already have labels for neighbourhood schools and branded school. Social stigma will always be there. Perhaps some recognition from political/civil-service figures to students who do well in such a school will help a lot.
By the way, keeping in mind that these women do not earn enough, I’m not sure whether these women will have custody of their children if they divorce. Hmm… Some women probably don’t divorce because they can’t bear to leave their children.
To CM said, on May 17, 2009 at 3:04 am:
You wrote, “Without some form of exploitation, who would give help to so many people? Hmmm…Perhaps some form of regulation will help to prevent over-exploitation.”
Let me paraphrase the above to see if I understand you correctly. Your stand is, “Victims of abuse are fair game to be victimised a 2nd time (i.e. some form of exploitation) disguised in the form of a ‘social support institution’. The further victimisation is justified on the basis that there are many victims available. Regulation can be introduced to manage the level of exploitation.”
If my paraphrasing above is correct, then I disagree with your view. See url below on “understanding human rights”. Emphasis is on the 1st sentence, “Every individual has dignity.”
http://www.un.org/cyberschoolbus/humanrights/about/understanding.asp
Anyway, let us suppose that your idea is taken up and implemented. The institute running this system profits from the free labour provided by the victims. A victim that finally recovers and returns to society would result in a decrease in its free labour supply, thereby decreasing profitability. As the common business maxim goes, “Maximise profit, minimise loss”. Why would it be in the interest of the institute/system to support the victims’ recovery? Would it not be more profitable to keep them dependent and thus gaining a lifelong supply of free labour (a.k.a. slave labour)?
To sum up, even if one gets pass the contravention of individual dignity, there is a Pandora box in the form of an obvious conflict of interest.
To CM:
p.s. I prefer with what you suggested (CM said) on May 14, 2009 at 10:11 am, “Customized education and employment in whatever form will give these women a sense of freedom and allow them to leave if they do not wish to report to the police or go to court.”
The idea is to support their dignity and eventually their freedom of choice. By employment above, I take it that the victims should be paid fairly.
p.p.s. Victims of abuse while predominantly females, may be males as well.
I am an educated woman but have been abused not just physically but emotionally by my husband. Profanities punctuate each of his sentence when he’s in a foul mood and his family supports his action with an excuse “You deserve it coz you angered him!”.
The point that I’m trying to make is: there are educated, invisible women as well. Personally, I know what is available for me: PPO, marital counselling, divorce etc etc especially since I don’t depend on my husband for a living it would be much easier right? Well, not really.
I do not know what is holding me back from taking action against him and it’s torturous to be going through this alone. My pride and dignity as a woman has long vanished and respect is something that I can only dream of. Sharing with others will only result in two things: PPO or divorce. What’s more mind boggling is that my husband’s a teacher and EVERYONE thinks he’s this sweet guy, willing to go all the way for his wife. Hah, isn’t that the world’s biggest joke!
Some call us foolish beings but it takes a lot to be able to leave the man you love despite how he treats you.
Dear Depressed
I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I understand how you feel and the dilema you are in. I have been through similar. At some point, what we (or at least I did) wanted was for the person to stop their behavior, so that we can have a loving, caring relationship. Getting a PPO or divorce might stop the abuse, but it may also be a barrier to having a good relationship after that too, hence the struggle we find ourselve in.
I am not a professional counsellor or social worker or anything like that (I’m a researcher), but if you like, and if it helps, I’ll be glad to sit down and provide a listening ear as a friend. I know sometimes being able to talk it out helps us to also discover new options we can help ourselves with. I don’t mind meeting up, or talking over the phone or continue emailing, depending on your comfort level.
If you’ll like, I can also refer you to friends who can provide professional help. However, I understand how you feel, and I promise I won’t refer you without your explicit requesting. From what I understand from them too, PPO or divorce are not the only 2 options, and they definitely will not make you do it. 2 different persons I can think of who can help you in a professional capacity :
- A counsellor/social worker who specialises in working with abused women. From what I’ve understood from her, many women she works with comes from higher socioeconomic backgrounds too, and these are the ones who tend not to seek help early due to “face” issues, or pressures. She can provide you very good advice on legal/formal avenues, although I understand she won’t make you do it. I also understand she can help you find ways to manage the situation, while still remaining in the marriage, and perhaps even making it better.
- A life coach who specialises in working with women in general, in all aspects of life eg. career, personal life, relationships, health, emotional wellness etc. Unlike the above counsellor, she does not provide advice or directions. Instead, she works with clients on specific issues the client is concerned with, and helps the client to analyse their thoughts, beliefs, values etc better, and helps the client discover more accurately what the client wants to do and how the client can go about doing it. She won’t be able to work with you through the legal/social service system, but if you discover you want that further down the road, she can refer you accordingly, or simply walk you through your own journey of helping yourself.
Please take care and continue to stay in touch. My email is MathiaLee@yahoo.com and we can arrange to skype if you want to as well.
I am writing on this page because i’m not sure where to turn for help ! have a friend that lives In Singapore and she has found herself In a very abusive situation.she was living and supporting her family and she lost her job and was trying to take care of her mpther who is suicidal and her father who has a drinking problem .well things got worse for her when she and her family were evicted from there apartment and she had no where to go .so her ex boy friend said she could live with him and his family.and he is very controling and abusive with her .He saw some emails from me and he beat her so bad that she was put in the hospital.and when she went back to his because she ahd no where to go with in a a couple of days of her getting out of the hospital he beat her again when he found another email that I had sent to another email account .I did not know he could get into this other email account .I am so sick over what happened but I have sent her all the money I can and I need to find her help.
kindly remove the comment above which written my name because its no truth and someone is aggravating information…thanks that dated October 2,2011 at 10:13PM issue